To Love Is To Be Brave

Something that I've been thinking about, wrestling with more accurately, lately is how to have a God centered relationship. Now I'm not talking solely about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, I mean relationships in general. Like with your friends or your sibling or your parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles. These kinds of core relationships everyone deals with on a daily basis.

But how do we have good relationships with them? Everyone's had issues with their family, fights with their friends. It's natural really, even in healthy relationships, to argue once in awhile. But what I'm talking about is having a God centered relationship with the people in your life. How do you do it?

This is been something I've questioned for a while now. What I've come up with is quite honestly, not what I wanted. I wanted a twelve step plan to having the perfect relationship on the first try. The thing is, relationships are messy. Love is a risk. To give someone your heart is giving them the ability to break you, yet trusting them to hold it.

Thing is, we're human. We don't have the ability to hold someone's heart without ever breaking it. It's like placing fine china in the hands of a toddler. That isn't the smartest thing to do. So what do we do then? Never love because we're afraid to get our hearts broken? 

No. What we must do is trust God to protect our hearts. If you place the fine china in the toddler's hands it will surely break, but if you give the china to the mother, with skilled hands, she'll carry it. Just as, if we give our hearts to the Lord to hold, He'll skillfully carry it and guide you in the ways you should go. I heard a quote once that went something like this: "Follow your heart but take your brain with you." God will give you the discernment on who to trust if you ask Him and truly listen to the answer, not letting your own desires cloud His voice.  

The closer we are to God, the more we'll love one another. The Lord will show us who to give our hearts to. Wisdom comes from the Lord and if we seek Him, He'll keep our hearts fulfilled. The closer we are to God, the more our love for other's will look like His. One of the most well known passages in the Bible is in Corinthians, known as 'the love verses' is this: 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If we learn to love like that, I believe we'll see a transformation in our relationships. It won't be easy by far. If you just skimmed over that verse because you read it before, read it again. Look at what real, pure, Christ given love entails. It's not rude, it always trusts, it protects, it doesn't boast, it's not self-seeking. How many of these have we all fallen short on? I know I have on many occasions. 

If we look at that verse, in a way, there is a plan to better your relationships, but it isn't an easy one. It's something that we have to learn and relearn and continue to practice our whole lives. It's by far one of the greatest lessons a person can learn. The first two commandments the Lord said are "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." 

At the center at every good, lasting, healthy relationship is love. To love is to be brave. 

Are We Really Strong?

Last night I finished reading a book, written by a friend.  

Drakelyn Martin, the Hero of the story is a federal agent, a strong government man, both physically and emotionally, used to stress and bloodshed. The Love, Nichole, is a small young woman who has been tortured for her faith and is in danger everyday. A one point towards the end of the story, Drake was beaten down and defeated. He thought of the woman he loved and all she'd endured and he wondered how she could be so strong. 

What did she have that he didn't?

The answer? God. 

That really hit me. How many times have I thought, I have to hold it together. Stay strong. Don't think. Don't feel. No crying. Quite a few times. Like, all the time actually. 

But by trying to hold it together all on my own, I'm weak. I feel weak. I've told God, "I want to be strong. Why can't I be strong?" 

I can't be strong by my own power. MY strength is nothing compared to God's. Without the Lord's strength I AM weak. We weren't meant to be strong on our own.

After reading that last night. This morning I picked up my Bible and read this:

2 Corinthians 12:5-10

On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

That last line. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." That's so powerful. It's only when we choose to let go of our pride, our "I can do it all" attitude and embrace the fact that we ARE weak and we DO need saving, that Jesus's power is seen through us. 

We can be strong through Him. We can overcome things others think impossible. We can endure and still survive, not because WE are strong, but because HE is strong. 

Paul understood this. He was beaten and jailed for his beliefs. He was, in a sense, 'weak' after what he'd been through. But have you once read any book in the Bible written by him or about him and thought of Paul as weak? 

I sure haven't. No, when I think of someone who's strong, Paul's who I think of. Paul was strong because he trusted the Lord.

Strength looks different in every situation. Sometimes strength IS holding it together when we need to, letting God sustain us. But sometimes, strength is letting ourselves grieve, letting ourselves feel the pain. Then letting it go and moving on. I find the latter is harder then holding it together sometimes. There's no shame in tears. There's no shame in needing help.

God wants us to come to Him. He wants to be our strength. He wants to dry our tears and hold us up when we can't stand. He created us to need Him.

(Disregard the funky formatting. I don't know how to fix it right now. :P)

Writing News

I skipped a week. Sorry about that. I must say I warned you. Scatterbrained author here. ;)

This post isn't going to be long or insightful, more of a news telling sort of thing. I might pop back in another time this week to give you some food for thought and make up for my lack of posting last week, fair enough? I think so.

First off. I self-published my first book. The Don's pursuit. I'm super excited about that. I do plan on selling some copies but haven't gotten around to that yet. I'm still in the admiration stage where I can look at the book cover and stroke it and drool over it for hours, if you're a writer, you'll understand. So, picture anyone?

Here's the cover. :P

AND I finished the first draft of Blue Blades! It's a little over 61k, and 121 single-spaced pages. Here's the synopsis (I realize this is by far not the best one ever written but, here's the just of it.):

Sometimes, a little rebellion is a good thing.

In the year 2050, society is at its peak – or at least if you’re an Upper Class citizen.

Coping with memory loss after a bad fall, Airamae Berkline, a sixteen-year-old Olympic figure skater from NYC, is faced with a difficult decision. She must determine what defines us as people, and who gives us worth. With lives at stake and futures on hold, can Airy make the right decision, or will she live to regret it? As she struggles to let go of the past and look to the road ahead, she learns that she’s never alone, even in her wandering. 

As for other news, I've gotten a new story idea. Yep, exactly what I need with the other three million of 'em floating around in my skull but, hey, I'm excited about it. :P It's for school in the fall actually, I'm completing the curriculum One Year Adventure Novel. So this is to be my OYAN novel. :)

I don't have a synopsis or anything, as I've just started brainstorming and character development, but if you want to see some pictures of the charries and a few scene pics and quotes you can visit my pinterest board. http://pinterest.com/cookiequeentess/heart-of-the-beast/ 

It's going to be a Beauty and the Beast retelling in a sense, it has the same premise. I got inspiration from this poem I wrote a while back:

Beauty and the Beast

Ugly, scarred, bruised and broken

Their staring eyes are words unspoken

The eyes of fire, the face of a beast

Hatred like a caged monster released

You roar like a hungry lion

Your heart has turned to cyan

Words that slice like barb wire

Jab the joyous like a brier

They scoff and point at your marks

You watch as they flit around like larks

Claws and teeth that gnash

Your life has turned to ash

Your eyes connect with a smile

The first you’ve seen in quite a while

Her skin white and smooth like a porcelain cup

Every word from her reminds you not to give up

Laughter that floats on the breeze

With you she’s at ease

She sees through the darkened veil

The wounds from their words that assail

Her touch melts the snow on your heart

When you’re with her it’s like you were never apart

Mammoth paws cradle an innocent dove

Her kiss sweet like honey, so full of love

Now a butterfly you take wing

You sparkle and shine like a king

Her bare feet dance as her hair flies free

A daring girl has found the key

Your heart is no longer locked in a vice

Its boundaries frozen by ice

You walk together hand in hand

Both to discover a strange new land

Her green eyes, radiant as the sun

Your face now elated, you know you have won

The young couple didn’t care

That the people would jeer and stare

Once the beauty and the beast

Now a princess, she will never cease

To love you, her knight in shining armor

A prince, your monster has fled, never to harm her

___________________________________________________________

Anyways, that's it for today. As I said, if I'm feeling particularly reflective, I might pop back in and say a few words later this week, we'll see. ;)  

To Write is to Bleed

This morning I sat down with thoughts to talk about The Hunger Games. Discuss characters or even write a book review. That didn't work out so well as I'm much too excited about Catching Fire coming out in November and talking to a friend about the books last night only heightened my level of fangirling. Every thought is ending in "Oh my goodness....I can't even....aaahhhhh!" So you can see how that post would be relatively short and hard to understand. :P

*cough* So, now that I've got that out of my system, lets move on to more important matters, shall we?

This week has been a week of editing and writing and reading. There's something so beautiful and magical about the written word. It's creating something of nothing, turning those thoughts and ideas into people and places and scenarios.

I love how we can create other worlds with our words. Have you ever read a really good book where you feel as if you know the characters personally, as if their pain is your pain? Have you ever been so in love with a story that you laugh and cry and smile along with the charries?

Sometimes reading a novel is like peeking through a window into the author's heart. As writers we put pieces of ourselves in each of our charries. Just like anything else, we bring our experiences, our hurt, our joy, our worldview into our imaginary worlds, painting a picture so vivid. That's when we can see the brokenness mending before our eyes and the tears turning to jewels on our cheeks. Through the author's pain we learn.

Here's a poem I wrote on this very subject a while ago:

To Write is to Bleed

A knife that stabs

The blade, flesh it grabs

The cutting edge mars the path

To your heart leaving sorrow and wrath

From the wound a flow of blood

Through the agony comes a bud

It blossoms golden from the gash

Its fragrance sweet through the ash

The crimson stream that runs amiss

Blots the page like a soft kiss

The quill of hurt paints a picture

Your eyes hid from others’ stricture

Behind the ink you hide your face

The salty tears from pain in that place

Mix with the red flow coloring the sheet

Speaking of your perilous feat

The blood and the tears drip and dance

Forming words that scream of a chance

To show the world who you really are

That their heartless expressions scar

Finally your heart has healed

The scab has been peeled

Now a book all can read

To write is to bleed

I know this wasn't one of my longer insightful post but I hope it holds you over until next week. ;)

Wise Words and Song Lyrics

On Monday I watched Fellowship of the Ring for the first time with a friend. Since watching it, I've been hearing quotes from that movie everywhere. Seriously, it's creepy. Besides the strange deja vu feeling, I've been pondering one quote in particular. It's a snippet of a conversation between Gandalf and Frodo. Is says:

That last line, spoken by Gandalf the great, is very inspirational, thought provoking, I must say. "We only have to decide what to do with the time given to us." It's true. Each day when we wake up in the morning we have a choice to make. We decide how we are going to spend our time that day, if we're going to choose joy, if we're going to help people. At the end of the day, what do you want to have accomplished?

I set certain goals for myself each day. Finish these school subjects in this amount of time, write said amount of words today, edit this many chapters. Those are the things that I choose to occupy my time with. But when I look at that schedule although it takes up nearly all of my time, I don't see anything lasting in that. Yes, education is important and my writing is important and can be a lasting thing in the long run, but what about the day to day things? We mustn't be too caught up in our lives and our schedules to see the needs around us.

Frodo wishes that the burden he carries, the ring, wasn't placed upon him. He wishes that it could be lifted, that he wouldn't have to endure the frightening trip into Mordor. But don't we all feel like that at some point in our lives? Don't we wish that our burdens could be lifted, that we didn't have to face the fires of Mordor, so to speak?

We are each given things, a mix, good and bad. Someone once told me that "We have to learn to use the whole deck, even the bad cards can be used for good." It's true. Bad things happen to people, we're broken and bruised but the amazing thing about the human heart is it's ability to heal and the even more amazing thing is God power to heal it. If we give our bad cards, our burdens to the Lord, he'll show us how to use them. That's all we're asked, to use what we're given in the time we have.

I  remember hearing something that said "There's beauty in the breakdown." It's when we finally snap, when the pain gets so bad, the burden so heavy that we realize, we weren't meant to carry it alone. God may not take the burden away, because there are lessons yet to be learned, but He will help you carry it and sustain you when you fall apart.Song lyrics are floating through my mind as I type this. "Isn't it beautiful/The way we fall apart/Isn't it wonderful/The way we break our hearts/It's magical and tragical/The way we fall apart." (And yes, I realize I'm kind of going off on a tangent here.) So, here the song I quoted from, for your entertainment purposes:

Hope you enjoyed the read and the song! :)

Decisions and Watermelon

Today I have a special guest here to speak with you on the subject of choice making and decision, all that good stuff. Her name is Airamae Berkline. If you've visited that second tab up there, then you might recognize her as one of my charries. Hand her some cookies and some virtual applause because she's pretty excited to do this. She's been bugging me about it for a while now so I finally relented and let her do a minor takeover of my blog for the week. ;)

Airamae: I have NOT been bugging you! And it's YOU who want's the cookies. 

Me: o.0 suuuuure

Airamae: *rolls eyes* 'Cause you'd never just let me guest post because you couldn't come up with anything better. *cough*

Me: What an accusation!

Airamae: *nods* Riiight, didn't think so. *winks*

Me: *pushes her aside* Anyway, lets all hear what Airy has to say in her generous contribution, shall we?

Airamae: *snerks*

Me: *glares* 

***

Airy

"Left or right? Paper or plastic? Rent or buy? These are only a few choices that are presented to us in life. Those are the easier ones. But what about the bigger ones? What about those tough decisions we have to make in life, like where to go to school, who to marry, where to live? It's questions like these that trip people up. And why wouldn't they? These are the choices that will impact our future in a greater way. 

The way we make decisions is based on our personality, beliefs, worldview and upbringing. These past few weeks I've been learning about my life and having to decide between two negative alternatives so it seemed. But the thing I've been learning is this: You can't just hide from the things you don't want to face. They will always be there. It's true. We can't be afraid of making the wrong choice to the point where it cripples us. Gosh, once I stopped feeling sorry for myself I realized that if I didn't make a decision, complacency would choose for me. 

Now I've got to tell you something about bad decisions. I've made them, plenty of them actually and you will too, it's a part of life. We learn from our mistakes, rearrange our lives to fit the new normal, then move on, that's all we can do, dwelling on past mistakes will only hinder your future. And who wants to be held back from the amazing life in store for them? I know I don't. 

I certainly can't say I'm now an expert on making big decision, because I'm not but I do know the importance of weighing your options carefully and seeking the guidance of someone other then yourself. Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture when you're right in the thick of things, but friends and family can help you discern between your options. 

We have the ability to change the world if we only chose to. To step out, to make that decision to be different, to stand up for yourself and your beliefs or someone you love, that's courage and that's hard....but trust me, it's so worth it in the end. A special someone once told me, 'In life you either dive in, or hang back, but it's the ones who've dove head first into a pit of vipers that will change this world.' I laughed when he told me that. Honestly, I thought that was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. But what if it isn't? What if he meant that in order to change the world, you have to be so grounded in your beliefs, your decision, that'd you'd go to any measure to do it? Maybe the key to making decisions is knowing what we stand for, maybe we have to learn what we're willing to die for before we can chose what we'll live for."

By Airamae Berkline 

***

Let's thank Airy for her words of wisdom and give her some watermelon on your way out, she really does love that stuff. 

Airamae: I do. *nods*

Me: She also thinks she's a bird.

Airamae: *punches me in the arm*

Me: Ow! But you do! You get up at the crack of dawn every morning. 

Airamae: *rolls eyes* And this was important information to share, because...?

Me: *shrugs* It somehow went with the watermelon thing.

Airamae: Riiiiight. I think it's time to say goodbye now. *waves*

Me: Fiiiiine. *closes door*

Thank you all for putting up with Airy and I today, we had fun and I hope you did too. :)

We're All Stories In The End

Lately I've been thinking about how God sees us, not only as His children that He loves but also as His creations that He's proud of. As a writer, I create characters - people. I dream up their hair color and their eye color, their likes and dislikes, their quirks. I spend time getting to know them. They are my creations, and I love them.

If I love these fictional people I've created, how much more does God love us - His creations? I love my charries because I've put pieces of myself in each one of them. In Pandora I've given her my love for books and my quiet ability to listen. Airamae has my imagination, my dreams. Brittan has my strength, Journey has my determination, Devin, my empathy. Just as I've created my charries in my image, God has created us in His. I can see His generosity in my sister, His mercy in my Mom, His compassion in my friend, His hope in myself.

The Lord is the author of our lives, He's writing our story just as I'm writing my charries'. As the author, I know everything that's going to happen to my characters before it happens. I can see the whole picture like God sees our lives, as a whole. I know the pain that they'll have to endure, I know the decisions they're going to make and I also know that things get better on the other side of the mess they're living in, they just have to find strength and persevere. If I were to tell Pandora that she would find hope and joy and a brand new life, she wouldn't believe me. If I told Airamae that she'd leave everything safe and familiar to save a life she's never met, she'd laugh in my face. If I were to tell Keaton that he'll find forgiveness and reconciliation in the God he hates, he'd call me insane.

I look at my precious charries and see ME. How often have I said to God, "I can't do this, I'm afraid, I'm confused, this isn't right!"? I have so little faith in my author, the one who wrote the story of my life, the only one who knows how it ends and every chapter in between. Yet, when I feel Him nudging me to do something, I say, "No"? Thinking that I know better? That isn't right. He's all knowing and perfect and I'm only human.

Trusting God is hard. It's letting go of what you see and trusting in the unseen, no matter the circumstances. I struggle so often with trust, but who better to place my faith in than the one who created me? Who know's me and loves me more then Him? This post was just a page out of my journal, it's honest and I hope you learn something along with me. I'll leave you with one of my favorite verses, because it seems only fitting:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11